Don’t ruin your flight by blurting out words you’ll regret. Because unless you want to get arrested upon arrival,you should never ever utter these six things while aboard a plane.
Flying can be a frustrating experience. Delays, cancelled flights, lost luggage, bawling babies, inebriated passengers—all these things can cause people to lose their cool and say something dumb on an airplane that gets them in serious trouble. To keep yourself out of hot water, here are sixthings you should never ever utter on a flight.
1. "Bomb"
Don’t say it in the airport. Don’t say it on the gangway. Don’t say it on the plane. Don’t say it to the flight attendant. Don’t say it to your seat mate. Even if your job is making those delicious-smelling bath bombs found at home décor stores, just forget that word exists for the duration of your travel.
Airline employees are trained to take every threat seriously and don’t care if you were joking.
- Once in the air, if the flight attendant thinks that you may interfere with their duties or pose a threat to the safety of the plane, their word is the law. They can get you kicked off that flight faster than you can say, “Sorry, that joke bombed!”
2. "I have Ebola/Swine Flu/Avian Flu/SARS/etc."
Don’t joke about having a communicable disease, unless you want to be escorted off the plane by people in full hazardous-materials suits.
- Remember, the air in planes is circulated. That's why a joke about being sick could panic the other passengers.
3. "I’m not a terrorist"
You’re probably not a terrorist, but surely you can understand why the term “terrorist” is a trigger point for the flight crew.
- If you come out swinging with that phrase, whether in anger or jest, the flight attendants have every right to whip out the plastic handcuffs to restrain you. What's more, the plane will likely get diverted, and local police will be waiting to arrest you upon arrival.
4. "Oh, stewardess!"
It’s not 1967. They are flight attendants and highly-trained professionals in every sense of the word. They’re also not waitresses, so stop pushing that button to get a refill on your beverage.
5. "I’ll turn off my device in a minute"
Nope, you’ll turn it off when they tell you to turn it off. Sure, it may seem crazy to think the Wi-Fi on your tablet could take down a 747, but rules are rules. More importantly, your flight crew is there for your safety—treat them with respect and don’t be a jerk by not following the rules.
6. "#Delay"
Be careful if you are sending cranky and specific tweets because of a delay and hash-tagging the airline. It might just get back to the crew or worse, the pilot, who has the authority to have you removed from the plane if he believes you are acting belligerently towards the crew and other passengers.
Bottom line: Treat everyone on the plane with respect and you’ll all get through the experience faster and happier.
